I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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