In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
