They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
