I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
