That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
