cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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