Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
