**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
