So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
