Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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