i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
