So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
