Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
