I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
