I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
