my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize