Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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