He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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