Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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