This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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