in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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