guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
