It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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