Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
