Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
