I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
