WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
