Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
