Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
