on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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