i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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