make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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