I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
