Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
