apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
