one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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