yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
