I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Please don't give away my fajitas
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