i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
