Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
