I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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