Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
