Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
two words: eviction party
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
