No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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