Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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