walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
false alarm, still single
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
