That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize