Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
someone get that fucking seahorse.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
