I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
