And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
