You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
can u get pink eye on your cock?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
