My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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