My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
