I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
