i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
