you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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