Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
