i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
