remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
