The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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