I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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