nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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