i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
