I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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