My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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