Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
