im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
