That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
