Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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