i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
