shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
