i think my mom watched the whole time
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
