well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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