he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what day is it and did you see me today?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
