I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
