Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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