wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
