Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
